$18-$32 Entrees
Rarely have I ever paid so much for a bad experience. Y'all know me. I'm a softie, a lenient and merciful restaurant critic. I love food. I love people. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I went to Chuck's in Tuscaloosa expecting to have a positive experience, as I had heard good things about the restaurant when it first opened. Well, either they've changed chefs or I need to go to an audiologist.
I wanted to leave the minute I opened the menu. Every entree except one was priced at over $20. I thought: "This business seriously needs to consider obtaining a price point analysis." I pulled my shocked eyes from the menu to observe the atmosphere, which could be described as "Gap casualness at Brooks Brothers prices". The ambiance was unequivocally high-toned, with clean, crisp lines, hardwood floors, ornate railings, curved staircases and balcony seating. There was both a downstairs spirits bar and a sushi bar above. The original, unfinished brick walls encompassed an open floor plan, extended to high ceilings and displayed both transom windows and original art work. Just as I registered the fact that I didn't like the art work, which was rather abstract and primitive, I realized the restaurant was drafty and loud. The high-ceilinged space, unrelieved by curtains or carpeting, echoed unreasonably loud music, making it difficult for me to hear anything my spouse was saying. But this is all subjective. I mean, some people like to go deaf while they're eating. I kept my coat on.
The waiter brought us a chilled wine bottle filled with water: an elegant touch. He cited the two specials: grouper or red snapper. He didn't really elaborate. He quoted the prices at my request, and I ordered the red snapper, as I have never had a bad experience in my life with this fish. It is so light, so tender, and so hard to ruin. Our waiter affably allowed me to substitute a wedge salad for the mashed potatoes. Our cheddar cheese bread arrived, accompanied by fresh, whipped garlic butter. Not bad, but not as good as Red Lobster's cheese biscuits. The wedge salad, with blue cheese crumbles and crispy bacon bits, was satisfactory.
Twenty minutes after taking our order, our waiter returned to tell me he had misquoted the price of my entree, which was actually a few dollars more expensive. Not graciously offering to give me my meal at the already ridiculous price he had originally quoted, he made it clear my options were either to change my order and wait twenty more minutes ... or to pay the higher price. As it was already getting late, I took the latter option, hoping against hope that my snapper would be somehow worth the price.
However, it quickly became clear I was paying solely for atmosphere. My snapper, which my waiter defended as "fresh from the Gulf" and "in season", resembled nothing so much as an elderly curmudgeon with an obstinate interior and an even tougher exterior. It was dry and rubbery and unforgiving. It was also tasteless. The lump crab meat with which it was topped, albeit slightly sweet and flavored with a surprising spice (perhaps nutmeg?), was lukewarm. Although usually possessive of my food, I didn't mind at all giving my spouse a taste. My spouse, who can at best be tactfully described as possessing an undiscerning palate, issued his verdict: "Nondescript". The zucchini and squash on the side was perfectly steamed, but while tender and crisp, could not make up for the disappointing entree. I declined to take the remaining three-fourths of my snapper home, thinking even my dog would reject it.
Gentle reader, please do yourself a favor and avoid this seemingly classy restaurant with terrible food and outrageous prices. Both your pocketbook and your palate will thank you.
1.5 Kudzu
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