Northport Diner

Northport, AL
$5-$8 Entrees

I've had a horrible week. I got a massive speeding ticket, my toddler hit me for the first (but probably not the last) time, my spouse has been grumpy, and my cat bit my hand as I was trying to scratch behind her ears. I haven't been sleeping well, and I've been generally cranky ... okay, I even cried two nights ago. I needed a place to go where I could "eat my feelings."

Northport Diner is the perfect place to find comfort food galore. As I entered the white brick restaurant with its crisp black and white striped awnings, immediately noticing a giant sign advertising homemade milkshakes, I knew I was about to receive the most effective therapy: culinary therapy. I crossed the checkerboard tile floor, seating myself at one of the red vinyl booths. Installed in this snuggery, I prepared for catharsis.

A pleasant waitress brought a basket of cornbread and small muffins. The cornbread was just fine, but the steaming muffins turned out to be slightly sweet yeast rolls. They were so good I took the Lord's name in vain. (He has since forgiven me.) First down!

Northport Diner offers soups (the best being the beef vegetable), salads, sandwiches, half-pound burgers, and an extensive children's menu. However, the winningest items on the menu are the Blue Plate Specials. Between 1920 and 1960, restaurants traditionally served a meat and three on a blue plate for a very affordable price. Although no longer served on blue plates, Northport Diner's specials do not disappoint.

A friend, another feelings-eater, joined me for lunch, ordering the baked chicken with cornbread dressing (that's stuffing to you Yankees) and purple hull peas. She and her Mama are the experts on how to prepare purple hull peas to perfection (try saying that three times fast). She said they were perfectly cooked, and I agreed. The dressing was the second best I ever had, and I have eaten a lot of dressing in my time. (The best was at The Bright Star in Bessemer.) The chicken was well-done but still tender and juicy. Huge gain for another first down! (In case you haven't noticed, I'm not above eating other people's food.)

I ordered the fried catfish with green beans and macaroni and cheese. My purpose in ordering the mac 'n' cheese was to put the diner to the test, as no mac 'n' cheese can beat my Aunt Libby's. Northport Diner failed to beat my Aunt Libby's, because ... well, their mac 'n' cheese was identical. The Italian flat beans had a lovely flavor, but were just a hair overcooked. However, the catfish was satisfyingly crispy and very tasty with a slightly spicy cornmeal breading. First and goal!

I could feel these endorphin-producing vittles causing a horizontal growth spurt, but, knowing I would have to pay the price of my injudiciousness, I continued to eat. My feelings thus exorcised, I paid the rock-bottom price at the counter and left experiencing the euphoria only soul food can conjure. Thus heartened, I felt ready to face the specters of my $200 ticket, my spouse, my child, and my irascible cat. Touchdown.

4 Kudzu

New York Pizza

Birmingham, AL
$8-$12 Entrees

I have often wondered, "Is it morally wrong to eat an entire pizza by oneself?" Not having Emily Post or God Himself to hand, I have never found the answer. I recently borrowed a thesaurus of quotations and looked up a few on the subject of Eating. "A gourmet is just a glutton with brains." I wholeheartedly agree... "The glutton digs his grave with his teeth." Hmmm ... At least I'll die happy. And then I found this one written by the wit, Clifton "Kip" Fadiman in 1957: "Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality." Now we're talking!

At New York Pizza, there is a lot of immortality to go around. I judge a pizza on many qualities, but the most important of these is the amount and quality of the cheese on the pie. The pizzas here will not disappoint. Named after New York City attractions, these creations range from Traditional (such as the meaty Harlem) to Vegetarian (try the gentle Greenwich Village) to Adventurous (read: the Fire Island Fajita) to Gourmet (Ahhh, the Upper East Side). The only one of these categories I would categorically not recommend is the Adventurous. I believe that Mexican food has its place, and quesadillas notwithstanding, this place is not on a pizza.

New York Pizza's unremarkable interior contains booths with dividers painted a distressed blue,
attractive photographs of New York City landmarks, and framed maps of the Big Apple. However, the list of pizza toppings is anything but unremarkable. New York Pizza offers, to name only a few: sun dried tomatoes, pineapple, jalapenos, meatballs, steak, feta, and Alfredo sauce. The only topping conspicuously missing is goat cheese. But that's just me ...

I took a lovely trip to Manhattan in the summer of 2008 and sampled a variety of pizzas while there. However, no pizza I tried could compare to the Park Avenue at New York Pizza. A white pizza (with an olive oil rather than marinara base), this concoction was topped with spinach, mushrooms, fresh tomatoes, roasted sliced garlic cloves, smoked bacon, Parmesan, and gorgonzola. The gorgonzola lent this particular pizza its distinctive flavor. Morally wrong or not, I ate the entire pizza by myself.

Now, I usually have the nose of a truffle pig. (And I'm humble, too!) However, there was, among the number of herbs in the seasoning, a pleasingly sharp one I could not identify. I was so curious I went home and tasted a variety of herbs from my spice rack. Not one matched. I suppose that, unless a fellow diner can quell my curiosity, like Leona's secret ingredient in Mystic Pizza, it will remain a mystery.

So, strap on the feed bag, wear a bib, bring la familia, and dig in! For as The New Yorker's James Thurber wrote in 1956, "Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing."

3.5 Kudzu