DeVinci's

Homewood, AL

$8-$17 Entrees

My mother has an appreciation for good food. In fact, my whole family does. All we do when we get together is talk, cook and eat. It would be nice if we had the excuse of being Italian, but we don't. However, we especially love Italian cuisine. During a time of family crisis, my mother and I needed a place to sit for a long chat and stuff ourselves with palliatives. We found the perfect trattoria.

DeVinci's, a family owned restaurant open since 1965, is famous for its robust, satisfying pizzas, both gourmet and traditional. After squeezing into a woefully inadequate parking lot, we walked through the door and followed our waitress across the faux-weathered floor to one of the rickety tables. The unfortunate stucco walls were a garish yellow and sported a hodgepodge of DaVinci and Gaugin prints.

My mother is as slow as Christmas when making menu selections. Our patient waitress came back three times before we submitted our order. As everything at DeVinci's is made from scratch, I expected a long wait; however, both the preparation and service were prompt.

Black olives are my least favorite food. My mother, however, eats them directly from the can. Both of us considered the stuffed olives at DeVinci's to be golden nuggets from the gods. Tre formaggi and flash fried in focaccia bread crumbs, they are worth fighting over. I was surprised by the size of our stuffed mushrooms, each at least three inches in diameter. These bounteous buttons, filled with herbs and superior mozzarella, were served with fresh marinara. Our physical surroundings were entirely forgotten.

We took the road less traveled and ordered pasta dishes instead of DeVinci's famous pizza. The baked ziti was brought forth in all its glory, crowned with a golden crust of extremely stretchy mozzarella. My mother made incoherent sounds of ecstasy while consuming this fresh pasta and tasty meat sauce. While eating the rondelle, however, I began to understand why many DeVinci customers have been loyal for over 40 years. Take thin sheets of pasta spread with creamed spinach, crushed walnuts and ricotta. Roll and slice them like sushi. Over each spiral, pour homemade Alfredo. Each one was the last word in decadence, and the last, and the last. DeVinci's has every reason to be proud of this original recipe.

My mother and I split one dessert and planned to take one to my spouse. After two glasses of really good wine (St. Gabriel Riesling and Penfolds Shiraz), I was inordinately excited to learn that tiramisu means "little pick-me-up". We ate the first ample serving of layered lady fingers, mascarpone filling and sweetened espresso. Then we opened my spouse's box and ate that one too. The tiramisu, while delicious, could have been improved with kahlua.

Our waitress, who feted us with the level of hospitality usually reserved for celebrities, rolled us to our car after our culinary debauch. We hope to return to DeVinci's soon. Perhaps in the spring to dine al fresco.

4 Kudzu

F.I.G.

Tuscaloosa, AL
$6-$9 Lunch Entrees
$12-$16 Dinner Entrees

Looking for the perfect lunch place? Search no more! F.I.G. (Food is Good), a snazzy cafe with a sophisticated menu, never fails to draw a crowd, whether casual or professional. This is not, however, an establishment for a business lunch, but a place to gossip! The food is as chic as the decor, with walls the color of key lime pie and a modish red and white striped awning adorning the entrance. During high-volume times, such as workday lunch, service may lag a bit behind demand. Servers, however, are invariably hard working and thoughtful. You won't be late returning to work, but you might cut it close.

F.I.G. is known for innovative ingredients, creative combinations and playful presentations. Take their entree house salad with smoked Gouda, buttermilk dressing, bacon, red onion, grilled chicken strips, and tortilla crisps. F.I.G. layers these ingredients like a trifle in a tall, oversized glass. Once brought to the table, it is poured out onto a large plate for enthusiastic consumption. I have yet to finish one of these salads. For a hedonistic person like myself, that's saying something.

Their tomato and fresh basil soup, optionally topped with cheddar and bacon, is zestfully savory without being overly acidic. The Greek pizza appetizer, with its homemade crust, light pesto base, grilled chicken, mozzarella, goat cheese, spinach, and toasted walnuts, is one of the best things I've ever eaten. The sweet potato fries with Asian dipping sauce are fun and nutritious.

Most of F.I.G.'s selection are healthy, like the Napa Valley chicken salad with grapes and pecans ... not to mention the goat cheese salad with mixed baby greens, sliced almonds, dried cranberries and chevre with a balsamic vinaigrette. However, the half-pound Black Angus Bama burger, while certainly not cholesterol-free, is thick, juicy, and completely satisfying. Or try the fanciful Fried Green BLT with fried green tomatoes, bacon, lettuce and creole mustard on a Kaiser roll.

I had one disappointing experience at F.I.G. My Rio chicken wrap arrived without the promised cashews, avocado, Thai mayo, and tomato tortilla. I can understand leaving out or substituting one ingredient, but four? Luckily, the staff graciously fixed the mistake. After all, it's not what happens, but how wait-staff responds that matters most. Or maybe what matters most is the dessert that follows such a mishap, such as the Chip-A-Roo. When eating those two warm chocolate chip cookies, vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup, a misassembled Rio fades into the distant past, and one enters a state of anoesis. This is my newest word. It means "a state of mind consisting of pure sensation or emotion without cognitive content." Yep, that about sums it up.

I have always had positive experiences with F.I.G.'s inventive and well-priced daily specials. In fact, F.I.G.'s prices are competitive, overall. Their most expensive entree, the filet mignon, is only $16, compared to most restaurants' range of $24 to $32. For a more commonplace point of reference, F.I.G.'s side salad is a mere $1.99. Beverages, however, may present a hidden cost; F.I.G.'s drinks are served by the bottle ... ergo refills are, lamentably, not free.

Perhaps F.I.G.'s greatest appeal lies in the diversity its of menu options. Whether you are male or female, laid back or flossy, informal or fancy, you will love F.I.G.

4 Kudzu

Chuck's

Tuscaloosa, AL
$18-$32 Entrees

Rarely have I ever paid so much for a bad experience. Y'all know me. I'm a softie, a lenient and merciful restaurant critic. I love food. I love people. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I went to Chuck's in Tuscaloosa expecting to have a positive experience, as I had heard good things about the restaurant when it first opened. Well, either they've changed chefs or I need to go to an audiologist.

I wanted to leave the minute I opened the menu. Every entree except one was priced at over $20. I thought: "This business seriously needs to consider obtaining a price point analysis." I pulled my shocked eyes from the menu to observe the atmosphere, which could be described as "Gap casualness at Brooks Brothers prices". The ambiance was unequivocally high-toned, with clean, crisp lines, hardwood floors, ornate railings, curved staircases and balcony seating. There was both a downstairs spirits bar and a sushi bar above. The original, unfinished brick walls encompassed an open floor plan, extended to high ceilings and displayed both transom windows and original art work. Just as I registered the fact that I didn't like the art work, which was rather abstract and primitive, I realized the restaurant was drafty and loud. The high-ceilinged space, unrelieved by curtains or carpeting, echoed unreasonably loud music, making it difficult for me to hear anything my spouse was saying. But this is all subjective. I mean, some people like to go deaf while they're eating. I kept my coat on.

The waiter brought us a chilled wine bottle filled with water: an elegant touch. He cited the two specials: grouper or red snapper. He didn't really elaborate. He quoted the prices at my request, and I ordered the red snapper, as I have never had a bad experience in my life with this fish. It is so light, so tender, and so hard to ruin. Our waiter affably allowed me to substitute a wedge salad for the mashed potatoes. Our cheddar cheese bread arrived, accompanied by fresh, whipped garlic butter. Not bad, but not as good as Red Lobster's cheese biscuits. The wedge salad, with blue cheese crumbles and crispy bacon bits, was satisfactory.

Twenty minutes after taking our order, our waiter returned to tell me he had misquoted the price of my entree, which was actually a few dollars more expensive. Not graciously offering to give me my meal at the already ridiculous price he had originally quoted, he made it clear my options were either to change my order and wait twenty more minutes ... or to pay the higher price. As it was already getting late, I took the latter option, hoping against hope that my snapper would be somehow worth the price.

However, it quickly became clear I was paying solely for atmosphere. My snapper, which my waiter defended as "fresh from the Gulf" and "in season", resembled nothing so much as an elderly curmudgeon with an obstinate interior and an even tougher exterior. It was dry and rubbery and unforgiving. It was also tasteless. The lump crab meat with which it was topped, albeit slightly sweet and flavored with a surprising spice (perhaps nutmeg?), was lukewarm. Although usually possessive of my food, I didn't mind at all giving my spouse a taste. My spouse, who can at best be tactfully described as possessing an undiscerning palate, issued his verdict: "Nondescript". The zucchini and squash on the side was perfectly steamed, but while tender and crisp, could not make up for the disappointing entree. I declined to take the remaining three-fourths of my snapper home, thinking even my dog would reject it.

Gentle reader, please do yourself a favor and avoid this seemingly classy restaurant with terrible food and outrageous prices. Both your pocketbook and your palate will thank you.

1.5 Kudzu

Fish Lips

Hoover, AL
$8-$13 Entrees

In the interest of fairness, I usually make it a point to review a restaurant only after it has been open for six months. In this cut-throat industry, in such a difficult economy, running a restaurant is not for the faint of heart. So, I try to err on the side of mercy by allowing managers and staff time to get their sea legs before commenting on the cut of their jib. After hearing Fish Lips has only been running for four months, I was reluctant to review them, fearing they would still be working out the kinks. However, this restaurant was full of surprises.

Everything about Fish Lips was unassuming and understated ... except for the cuisine. Located in the Hobby Lobby strip mall on Highway 31, with not even a sign over the door yet, this hidden treasure had a relaxed, family friendly atmosphere. The simple interior was carpeted, allowing for audible conversation. Clearly a seafood restaurant, the nautical decor was restrained and tasteful. My waitress was consistently available and prompt when needed, but not overly solicitous.

The uncomplicated menu offered a variety of choices at incredibly low prices. Although the selection was not extensive, every item sounded appetizing, from casual po' boys to fine fare. If you want a basket of fried shrimp with french fries, come here. If you want high-quality Pacific snapper worthy of a starched white tablecloth, come here. Either way, you'll get a bargain.

Fish Lips' jumbo lump crab cakes comprised a generous, filling appetizer. Not the fried breadcrumb patties seen so often at other so-called seafood restaurants, these babies were chock full of crab meat, flavorful with red peppers and celery, and topped with sauteed spinach, roasted tomatoes, and a lovely cream sauce. My salad likewise did not disappoint. The green leaf lettuce, red onions, and tomatoes were fresh, crisp, and topped with a surprisingly sweet, homemade bleu cheese vinaigrette. However, the shrimp and corn chowder I selected was thin, bland, and forgettable.

Having ordered the crab-stuffed grouper, I waited with baited breath for my entree. When it arrived, I could not believe my eyes ... or my tastebuds! This consummately balanced nonpareil was seasoned and prepared with obvious skill, stuffed with an abundance of tender claw meat, and crowned with a fresh spinach and lemon cream sauce. The latter was rich but not too heavy. The sauteed red onions with which the dish was garnished added color to the presentation but were unnecessary from a culinary perspective. The entire experience was blissful.

As Fish Lips is located in a shopping center with no big-box attraction, this "Little Tugboat That Can" may need to do some serious advertising to generate the buzz necessary to thrive. Besides getting the word out, another thing this young business could do to increase its clientele would be to obtain a liquor license and start serving beer, wine and spirits with its tasty food. (It never hurts to pair a Chardonnay with your grouper.) Nevertheless, the most important attribute of any restaurant is the food. Fish Lips' mission statement is: "We are committed to create fresh, innovative food". Mission accomplished.

4 Kudzu

The Waysider

Tuscaloosa, AL
$7-$9 Lunch Entrees
$3-$5 Breakfast Entrees

Nobody can say when The Waysider first opened. A waitress stated, "It's the oldest restaurant in Tuscaloosa, open more than 51 years!" An elderly resident swears it was running during the 50's. The Business License Department couldn't verify this, since their records don't go back that far. My theory: The tiny, vividly red house was created in the beginning when God said, "Let there be The Waysider!" Whether it's as old as Methuselah or almost as old as The Machine, locals agree The Waysider's a Tuscaloosa landmark, an old school institution serving up home-cooked breakfasts since time immemorial.

Go past The Waysider on Greensboro. Take a right ... onto the train tracks running down the street. Don't get hit by a train. Take another right, and you'll see the parking log. The Waysider's open for breakfast every day except Monday and for lunch Tuesday through Friday. Last year, The Waysider made Esquire magazine's "Top 59 Breakfast Places in American".

Coach "Bear" Bryant, who knew a real Southern breakfast when he ate one, was a regular at The Waysider. The interior screams "ROLL TIDE!" louder than any Alabama cheerleader. Every square inch of every wall's plastered with Crimson Tide memorabilia. Even the carpet's crimson. Diners sit on chairs with crimson vinyl seats at well-worn, old fashioned tables, taking in news and sports with their morning coffee. Bright yellow mums decorate every table. Peering behind containers of honey and butter, I spotted ceramic salt and pepper shakers in the form of Alabama football jerseys.

The hardworking waitresses really know their customers, many of whom started eating at The Waysider when Moby Dick was a minnow. They know who's vacationing, who's been hospitalized, who's been cheatin', and who's having twins. They "Sweetie" and "Hon" the diners like newborn babies. The customers know one another as well, be they students, football fans or retirees. People who moved away years ago will return just to eat at The Waysider, reliving childhood memories of anthropomorphic pancakes.

No even glancing at the menu, I ordered the ($5.00!!!) breakfast special. The service was especially fast for a packed-out Tuesday morning. Within seconds, I received my coffee. It was slightly weak for my taste, but fresh and smooth. My maternal waitress kept it coming! A plate of two perfectly cooked, over-medium eggs, three juicy, robust link sausages, and grits followed close on the heels of my coffee.

During the murder trial int he movie, My Cousin Vinny, a witness testifies: "No self respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits." Although each non-instant "grit" took 20 minutes to cook, mine were a bit thin. Accompanying my meal were biscuits which I underestimated at first. Then I realized these slightly square, piping hot creations didn't come from a can. They were fluffy and contained real buttermilk! They were so good I asked for a to-go box. I just couldn't Bear to leave them behind! My waitress, her Southern drawl lengthening, smugly boasted, "Yeeaah, we serve about 10,000 of those on Sundays. " After paying, I drove directly to the lap pool to swim off the ten million calories I had consumed, the whole time thinking, "It was worth every bite."

The Waysider's affordability is only rivaled by their authenticity. In his 1993 book, Southern Food, John Egerton quotes its former owner, Archie Farr: "Places like this are getting hard to find. And they're even harder to keep going... But [the chains] don't have the pride that we do, and their mass production can't match our freshness and quality. All that plastic food in a plastic environment won't last. Southern food will eventually come back." Amen, y'all.

3.5 Kudzu

The Silvertron Cafe

Birmingham, AL
$8-$11 Lunch and Dinner Entrees
$5-$7 Breakfast Entrees

I've never been a breakfast person. I just don't want to eat anything in the morning. Granted, I'll strap on the feed bag any time after 12:00 p.m., but prior to that ... no appetite. Then I read that The Silvertron Cafe won Birmingham Weekly's "Best Breakfast" in 2009. I said, "Ha! We'll see about that!"

The Silvertron Cafe, named for the television repair shop from which it was converted, first opened in 1986. Its first owner, Alan Potts was beloved by the local community. After his tragic death in 2006, the restaurant closed temporarily, reopening in 2007 under its current owner, Marco Morosini.

I went to Silvertron on a Saturday morning. Walking through Birmingham's historic Forest Park district, I enjoyed the "football weather", as cool as the other side of the pillow. White lights, which must provide a winsome twinkle at night, were strung under the front awning. Inside, I first noticed the artwork, pieces sold by Silvertron's neighbor, the Naked Art Gallery. My favorites were the vivid, folksy paintings by Tina Kirk, which provide an eclectic, unpretentious feel to the retro atmosphere. Built during the 1920's, the building's high, embossed tin ceilings, hanging fans and intricate crown molding transported me back to a gentler, simpler time. Accent walls provided splashes of color reminiscent of ripe watermelon. I sat by windows lined with slender, cobalt blue glass bottles. Listening to Otis Redding hits, my heart rate slowed to a 1964 pace. This was a place for lingering.

The service was prompt and the menu impressive. Silvertron diverges from the commonplace, offering hummus, quiche, and lasagna specials daily. Exploring my brunch menu, I noted Silvertron's affordability and diverse selection, the stress of the current recession falling away. The menu listed several creative variations on the typical Eggs Benedict, as if the word "typical" could ever do this chef d'oeuvre justice. These included Florentine, South-Western, Crab & Shrimp Cake, Yellowfin Tuna, and Steak Benedict. Although tempted by the traditional New Orleans dish, Grillades & Grits, I decided I wasn't hungry enough for such a large meal. So I ordered the Crab & Shrimp Cake Benedict. And a side sausage patty. And a biscuit. Oh, and an order of "fancy grits".

Since childhood, I have bewailed restaurants' inability to properly poach an egg. It is risky to order them, as they usually turn out either undercooked or overcooked, both of which are disgusting. The Silvertron Cafe, however, has evidently perfected the art of poaching an egg. Those perching atop the croquettes boasted golden, creamy yolks enveloped in firm whites. The generous crab and shrimp cakes were outstanding, made colorful by fresh red peppers and celery. Although initially dubious when reading "Creole hollandaise" on the menu, the reality made me a believer. Not for the faint-of-taste-bud, this delectable sauce revealed a kick in the form of fiery, ground red pepper. It took a great deal of self-control not to lick the plate. With all this pizazz, the humble English muffin at the bottom seemed superfluous.

The sausage was mild yet flavorful, and the golden biscuit was so buttery it didn't need butter (did I really say something didn't need butter?!). However, the "fancy grits" surpassed them both. Coarsely ground but cooked to creaminess, they were mixed with cheese, bacon, cheese, tomatoes, and cheese.

Mimosas and Bloody Marys are featured during breakfast and Sunday brunch. With pasta and wine specials on Mondays, Tex-Mex and Margarita specials on Tuesdays, and Martini specials on Wednesdays, this cafe definitely has something for everyone. For a dose of retro goodness at a price that can't be beat, eat at The Silvertron Cafe. I promise you'll get more than you'll pay for.

4.5 Kudzu

Kozy's

Tuscaloosa, AL
$18-$34 Entrees

Kozy's is easy to miss. A humble, white house, which appears deceptively small from the street, people drive past every day without noticing it. They are missing out.

After passing the gardenia bushes at the entrance, I was struck by unexpected interior elegance. Although the arresting black walls are not conducive to ambient light, the restaurant glows with candlelight. Having made a reservation, I was seated immediately at a black-swathed table with comfortable, black leather seating, much as one might find in a pipe tobacco-scented British study. Although intimate, the restaurant is airy, due to the revolving fans on the plum-colored ceiling.

My kind and accommodating waiter, Richard, proffered Kozy's thorough wine list. I ordered the 2007 Chateau la Rame Bordeaux on his recommendation. ("It is beautiful," he said with fervor.) As I was spending the same amount on a glass that I normally spend on a bottle of wine, I was dubious. But as the ruby liquid trickled blissfully down my throat, I thought, "This is worth every penny." Full bodied yet accessible, I could feel the alcoholic sachet of black currants and ripe cherries filling my sinuses. The Bordeaux cured my cold.

After Richard ceremoniously described Kozy's special, I reviewed the other menu options. You would think that a filet au poivre with a cognac cream sauce paired with a lobster tail with a molasses brown butter over sauteed spinach and mashed potatoes, would be a no-brainer, but I deliberated longer than a jury during a murky murder trial. I felt light-headed, swaying between brie-stuffed chicken breast, lamb with a pomegranate demi-glace, and roasted maple leaf duck breast, finally ordering the special.

Richard brought me a crusty loaf of bread, which was white and velvety on the inside ... and some cold butter. You know when butter stays too long in the fridge and starts to absorb the odors of the other foods? In other words, it was not fresh. A restaurant of Kozy's caliber should invest in fresh, whipped, unsalted butter to go with their satisfying bread.

I could almost hear fanfare as my entree arrived. I cut into the tender filet with a stylish steak knife and tasted. The filet was perfectly medium-rare and punctuated by the cracked black pepper. But the only words to describe the cognac cream sauce are exclusively found in scintillating, cheap romance novels (and only in the good chapters), and I don't think this paper will print those kinds of words. My only complaint was that there wasn't more of it. The succulent lobster was sweetened by the hint of molasses. The sauteed spinach was mildly nutty, and the mashed red potatoes (skins included, the way I like it) were creamy and perfectly salted. I ate in slow motion.

Due to toddler-related challenges in my personal life, I was, regrettably, not able to finish my entree at Kozy's. After paying a king's ransom, I took it home, and my (pleasantly surprised) spouse and I split the sumptuous meal in an impromptu candlelit dinner.

Setting aside Kozy's prices (which gleefully ignore today's economic recession), on their own merit, I can recommend the following. The Louisiana Gulf oysters with bearnaise sauce hors d'oeuvre is lovely. My favorite salad at Kozy's is the spinach with lardons (read: bacon), candied pecans, shaved red onion, and creamy Maytag (read: bleu cheese) peppercorn dressing. During autumn, you will enjoy the spaghetti squash with zucchini, red onions, carrots, tomatoes, fresh herbs, and cheeses baked in white wine garlic butter.

No matter what you order at Kozy's, you will leave with your pocketbook lighter, but as satisfied as a cat that's had high-quality, organic cream to its supper.

4.5 Kudzu

Northport Diner

Northport, AL
$5-$8 Entrees

I've had a horrible week. I got a massive speeding ticket, my toddler hit me for the first (but probably not the last) time, my spouse has been grumpy, and my cat bit my hand as I was trying to scratch behind her ears. I haven't been sleeping well, and I've been generally cranky ... okay, I even cried two nights ago. I needed a place to go where I could "eat my feelings."

Northport Diner is the perfect place to find comfort food galore. As I entered the white brick restaurant with its crisp black and white striped awnings, immediately noticing a giant sign advertising homemade milkshakes, I knew I was about to receive the most effective therapy: culinary therapy. I crossed the checkerboard tile floor, seating myself at one of the red vinyl booths. Installed in this snuggery, I prepared for catharsis.

A pleasant waitress brought a basket of cornbread and small muffins. The cornbread was just fine, but the steaming muffins turned out to be slightly sweet yeast rolls. They were so good I took the Lord's name in vain. (He has since forgiven me.) First down!

Northport Diner offers soups (the best being the beef vegetable), salads, sandwiches, half-pound burgers, and an extensive children's menu. However, the winningest items on the menu are the Blue Plate Specials. Between 1920 and 1960, restaurants traditionally served a meat and three on a blue plate for a very affordable price. Although no longer served on blue plates, Northport Diner's specials do not disappoint.

A friend, another feelings-eater, joined me for lunch, ordering the baked chicken with cornbread dressing (that's stuffing to you Yankees) and purple hull peas. She and her Mama are the experts on how to prepare purple hull peas to perfection (try saying that three times fast). She said they were perfectly cooked, and I agreed. The dressing was the second best I ever had, and I have eaten a lot of dressing in my time. (The best was at The Bright Star in Bessemer.) The chicken was well-done but still tender and juicy. Huge gain for another first down! (In case you haven't noticed, I'm not above eating other people's food.)

I ordered the fried catfish with green beans and macaroni and cheese. My purpose in ordering the mac 'n' cheese was to put the diner to the test, as no mac 'n' cheese can beat my Aunt Libby's. Northport Diner failed to beat my Aunt Libby's, because ... well, their mac 'n' cheese was identical. The Italian flat beans had a lovely flavor, but were just a hair overcooked. However, the catfish was satisfyingly crispy and very tasty with a slightly spicy cornmeal breading. First and goal!

I could feel these endorphin-producing vittles causing a horizontal growth spurt, but, knowing I would have to pay the price of my injudiciousness, I continued to eat. My feelings thus exorcised, I paid the rock-bottom price at the counter and left experiencing the euphoria only soul food can conjure. Thus heartened, I felt ready to face the specters of my $200 ticket, my spouse, my child, and my irascible cat. Touchdown.

4 Kudzu

New York Pizza

Birmingham, AL
$8-$12 Entrees

I have often wondered, "Is it morally wrong to eat an entire pizza by oneself?" Not having Emily Post or God Himself to hand, I have never found the answer. I recently borrowed a thesaurus of quotations and looked up a few on the subject of Eating. "A gourmet is just a glutton with brains." I wholeheartedly agree... "The glutton digs his grave with his teeth." Hmmm ... At least I'll die happy. And then I found this one written by the wit, Clifton "Kip" Fadiman in 1957: "Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality." Now we're talking!

At New York Pizza, there is a lot of immortality to go around. I judge a pizza on many qualities, but the most important of these is the amount and quality of the cheese on the pie. The pizzas here will not disappoint. Named after New York City attractions, these creations range from Traditional (such as the meaty Harlem) to Vegetarian (try the gentle Greenwich Village) to Adventurous (read: the Fire Island Fajita) to Gourmet (Ahhh, the Upper East Side). The only one of these categories I would categorically not recommend is the Adventurous. I believe that Mexican food has its place, and quesadillas notwithstanding, this place is not on a pizza.

New York Pizza's unremarkable interior contains booths with dividers painted a distressed blue,
attractive photographs of New York City landmarks, and framed maps of the Big Apple. However, the list of pizza toppings is anything but unremarkable. New York Pizza offers, to name only a few: sun dried tomatoes, pineapple, jalapenos, meatballs, steak, feta, and Alfredo sauce. The only topping conspicuously missing is goat cheese. But that's just me ...

I took a lovely trip to Manhattan in the summer of 2008 and sampled a variety of pizzas while there. However, no pizza I tried could compare to the Park Avenue at New York Pizza. A white pizza (with an olive oil rather than marinara base), this concoction was topped with spinach, mushrooms, fresh tomatoes, roasted sliced garlic cloves, smoked bacon, Parmesan, and gorgonzola. The gorgonzola lent this particular pizza its distinctive flavor. Morally wrong or not, I ate the entire pizza by myself.

Now, I usually have the nose of a truffle pig. (And I'm humble, too!) However, there was, among the number of herbs in the seasoning, a pleasingly sharp one I could not identify. I was so curious I went home and tasted a variety of herbs from my spice rack. Not one matched. I suppose that, unless a fellow diner can quell my curiosity, like Leona's secret ingredient in Mystic Pizza, it will remain a mystery.

So, strap on the feed bag, wear a bib, bring la familia, and dig in! For as The New Yorker's James Thurber wrote in 1956, "Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing."

3.5 Kudzu

Miss Rosemarie's Special Teas Salon & Shoppe

Birmingham, AL
$9-$15 Entrees

Throughout history, there has been no substance as unifying and as divisive as tea. Tea, that fragrant, comforting infusion over which engagements have been sealed and wars have been instigated, has persisted for centuries in countries spanning the globe. Even Americans, for all their pride in the Boston Tea Party, are not immune to tea's charms. The customers at Miss Rosemarie's are no exception.

Miss Rosemarie's boasts an elegantly appointed, patrician interior. A lace tablecloth and a different pattern of fine china is laid on each antique table, along with silver tea accessories and fresh flowers. The restaurant is wallpapered in a damask pattern with hand-painted gold edging. The decor seems best suited to a Victorian mansion; however, the salon is located conveniently in a shopping center. Serving a niche market, Miss Rosemarie's has been successful for five years.

Just as there is a ritual to the traditional tea ceremony, there is a correct procedure to follow if one wishes a table at Miss Rosemarie's. One should make a reservation the morning before the day one wishes to take tea. The next day, unlike the White Rabbit, be on time. If one chooses to walk in without a reservation, like Alice, one will likely have to wait for one's tea. As with most things in life, I learned this the hard way. Miss Rosemarie's is usually so full, I can almost hear the Mad Hatter and March Hare shouting, "No room! No room!" Luckily, Miss Rosemarie's is more hospitable.

Miss Rosemarie's is open Tuesdays through Fridays from 11:00 to 3:00 and Saturdays from 11:00 to 2:00. One may order only tea and scones during the last hour on these days. The salon is open for brunch on Sundays from 10:00 to 2:00. The salon is closed on Mondays.

Along with a dizzying attention to detail in both the menu and service, as well as eminently reasonable prices for quality, a customer at Miss Rosemarie's will find an astounding variety of fresh ingredients combined to form original and beautifully presented delights. Like the riddle "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?," (to which Lewis Carroll admitted there is no answer), Miss Rosemarie's rich and ever-changing menu appears to be simple, but in reality, is quite complex. However, if one chooses to navigates these complexities, fortune will favor that diner with an incredible culinary experience.

Miss Rosemarie's offers no less than 60 distinct teas and tisanes (infusions of herbs or fruit, rather than tea leaves). For those who would prefer an iced tea, Miss Rosemarie's serves a refreshing iced black tea with raspberry syrup. Miss Rosemarie's menu displays four complete tea options. I recommend the first and most elaborate, Miss Rosemarie's Special Tea, which includes one scone (served with the accoutrements of jam, lemon curd, and faux clotted cream), one slice of quiche, one cup of soup, your choice of three tea sandwiches, "trio desserts," and one pot of tea. This quarter, for example, the group of four unique tea sandwiches include: the roasted pepper, mint, and goat cheese mini wrap; the pimiento cheese, turkey, tomato, and lettuce; the eggplant caviar crostini; and the almond chicken salad. This season, the group of desserts comprising the "trio desserts" include: a lemon cheesecake chocolate cup, a mini ice cream sandwich, and a dreamsicle cupcake.

Jake's Special Benedict, in which eggs rest on crab cakes instead of English muffins, and Nathan's French toast, which is made with vanilla bean custard, are two of the most enticing brunch options. For lunch, I recommend Amy's Choice, which includes: one quiche, one soup, or one crepe. One may order either two or all three of these, which come with either spring mix or Caesar salad. One may also wish to sample one of the salon's creative chicken salads, which include: Curried Orange Cranberry Chicken, Chicken Waldorf, and Almond Chicken. As for dessert, I especially enjoyed the scoop of vanilla bean ice cream rolled in gingerbread. It tasted like Christmas.

I first became optimistic when I breathed in the sachet of English Breakfast tea, stirred it with a Lilliputian demitasse spoon, and felt in purl down my throat. Down the rabbit hole I went. I was undone by the crumbly, buttery peach mango scone with ephemeral faux clotted cream and tart lemon curd. The smoked ham, green onion, and white cheddar quiche was properly and dreamily fluffy. The creamy French onion soup arrived in a lovely china teacup. I took the first taste eagerly and the rest reverently. The chilled raspberry peach soup was velvety and suffused with a lovely amaretto flavor. The spring mix salad had a piquant, slightly spicy vinaigrette. However, the highlight of the meal was the delicate crepe with lump crab meat and authentic hollandaise.

"Round went the clock in a twinkling" and before I knew it, Miss Rosemarie's was closing and my adventure was at an end. Comatose with delicacies, I was as sleepy as the Dormouse and smiling like the Cheshire Cat. So sit up straight, crook your pinkie, and order as many selections as you can. After all, as the Mad Hatter noted, "you can't take less ... it's very easy to take more than nothing."

5 Kudzu

Lovoy's

Birmingham, AL $7-$16 Entrees A restaurant critic on a diet ... what a contradiction! Reminds me of another contradiction from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes: "assertiveness training for Southern women." Nevertheless, I can't avoid the ugly truth: I have gained 13 pounds since becoming a restaurant critic. Embarking on this adventure, my mother advised: "Do what professional restaurant critics do ... taste just enough of each dish to assess the food." However, I knew I couldn't be happy that way ... So I ate. And I ate. And now, I'm on Weight Watchers. With a Points Finder and a stack of Smart Ones, I fondly reminisce about my most recent foray into the jungles of the restaurant industry. Ahhhhh ... Lovoy's. Memories of that meal will sustain me through the next 6.5 weeks (that's at losing two pounds per week). Fans report Lovoy's first location left something to be desired: windows. The dark, close interior was once described by a friend as "mob-friendly" (i.e. "very little lighting"). Notwithstanding, Lovoy's has enjoyed a loyal clientele for over 40 years because of their fabulous food. Entrare 2010. Lovoy's new, posh location in Homewood's Soho Square exudes a simple elegance of which Armani would approve. By day, impossibly high ceilings create a spacious interior naturally lit by cambered picture windows. Sconces provide lighting in the evening, when people gather at the curved bar. Lovoy's enchanting outdoor patio is accented with neutral umbrellas and potted flowers. One would think all this atmosphere would come with a catch. However, the reasonable prices, experienced staff, and menu all remain unchanged, and now, they offer free valet parking. This seems too good to be true ... or at least, too good to last. Lovoy's wine list is comprised of domestic reds and whites, selections from Australia, Germany, and Italy, and two Champagnes sold by the bottle. The Italian Mezzacorna Pinot Grigio was crisp but somehow anticlimactic. I replaced it with the Hogue Reisling. Wine snobs may scoff at a twist-cap wine, but it was fantastic. Delicately sweet, it converted me from a confirmed Chateau St. Michelle fan. The appetizers likewise improved with practice. Specifically, the calamari was bland, but wait! The Baked Oysters Lovoy were to-die-for. These tender morsels are baked in the shells on which they are served. Devouring every last one with the Lilliputian oyster fork, savoring each buttery Italian bread crumb, I longed for the next bite while still relishing the first. Delectable tossed green salad followed, mixing field greens with fresh spinach and cherry tomatoes, topped by Lovoy's peerless bleu cheese dressing. The shrimp fettuccine Alfredo was perfectly executed. An Alfredo saucier myself, I believe they nailed the sauce. The stuffed shells, meat-filled pasta sachets topped with a light marinara, were thoroughly satisfying. The chicken Tommaso was the only entree to disappoint. The tender chicken was in harmony with mushrooms and white wine, but the lemon butter sauce was short on butter! The notable food writer, Nora Ephron, was born Jewish, but is not particularly religious. In a 2009 interview, she told NPR, "You can never have too much butter - that is my belief. If I have a religion, that's it." On a positive note, Lovoy's cheesecake is presented in a tony Z-stem martini glass, scooped, not sliced. Described in the menu as "light" (another contradiction!), the sinfully rich cheesecake fortunately belies its advertisement. I now rely on you, gentle reader, to carry on my tradition of gluttony by patronizing Lovoy's while I weep at the table while picking at microwaved rigatoni with faux chicken and insubstantial Alfredo sauce ... Until 6.5 weeks from now. 4 Kudzu

V. Richards

Birmingham, AL
$8-$12 Entrees

V. Richards, a lovely, diminutive grocery store and cafe in Birmingham, AL, must secretly install homing devices in the back of the neck of each of its customers, because I keep coming back ... over and over again. However, each time I return, the menu is different from the last. The decidedly gourmet cafe, located in the back of the market (where one can purchase everything from quail eggs to British digestives) is a haven for us homing pigeons.

Each day, the cafe serves breakfast, which may include Eggs Benedict with Creole Hollandaise and cinnamon-drenched French Toast. After 11:00 a.m., the cafe offers a pasta special, fish special, lunch special, and daily special, as well as three soups du jour. There are no less than (and usually more than) 23 types of salad available on a daily basis. Augment this with an assortment of toothsome, made-from-scratch pastries and desserts, to be consumed with imported espresso, and you have yourself a European form of Nirvana unique to Alabama. If that makes sense...

At V. Richards, it does. The staff are consistently gracious and complaisant. Seating may be found indoors or outdoors. Outside, there are patios filled with the soothing sound of the fountain overlaid with soft jazz. Red awnings provide shade for the stone tables where wine tastings are held on Friday evenings. The chefs are creative and add personal touches to ingenious recipes. Ingredients are clearly fresh and often organic.

Today, I opted for the fish special: seared diver scallops, rapini, jumbo asparagus, and roasted potatoes. The tender rapini and asparagus were flavorful and robust. The red potatoes savoured of garlic and red pepper. But the scallops. I believe people close their eyes in ecstasy when they taste something especially delicious, because they want no outside stimuli to distract from the experience. The seared scallops had a seaside sweetness all their own, with the merest suggestion of lemon. They were poetry. My eyes closed.

In addition to being helpful, the staff are knowledgeable about the dishes created at the cafe and the items sold in the market. Almost any employee can pair a cheese with a complimentary wine and will even offer to chill the bottle prior to purchase. The butcher will proffer only the best cuts of meat, and the seafood is often sashimi quality. Much of the produce sold is local, and most dairy items are organic. It was raining as I left, but the woman at the checkout made sure I had a golfer's umbrella to shelter the path to my car. Now that's TLC.

4.5 Kudzu